Drunk Review/Synopsis: Halloween Resurrection.

In preparation for the new Halloween film coming out this year, I decided to go back and watch all the films in the franchise again.  I didn’t want to end on a down note, so I decided to start with the worst of them first. That being said, I flipped a coin between starting with Halloween Resurrection, & Halloween II (2009).  Halloween Resurrection won the toss, & yes it is just as bad as remembered it to be.

It’s three years after Halloween H2O. Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) is now in a mental hospital.  As you may recall, Laurie hijacked the coroner’s van & beheaded her brother Michael at the end of H20. It turns out, Laurie killed the wrong person. Michael pulled the old switcheroo by cleverly putting his mask on the paramedic that found his body. He then switched clothes with him, knocked him out, and crushed his larynx so he couldn’t scream. This is obviously a horribly desperate excuse to make another film. He might wait several years, but typically once Michael finally decides to get the ball rolling, it’s on! His routine involves walking fast, pinning you into a corner, & stabbing the shit out of you. When the hell did he get smart enough to pull a switcheroo?

LaurieDeath

Thanks for the paycheeeeeeck!

Anyway, Laurie pulls a Sarah Connor in Terminator 2, and pretends to be heavily medicated in her room. She knows Michael will inevitably show up, & wants to be ready. Once he eventually does, she lures him to the roof where she has a clever trap in place. On a side note, what kind of hospital wouldn’t notice that a patient has been making trips to the roof, & operating machinery to rig a trap in the first place? Someone clearly isn’t doing their job! Laurie’s trap works. It strings him upside down & over the ledge of the building. As she’s about to cut the rope & send him plummeting to his death, she has stupid flashbacks of her fuck up when she beheaded the wrong guy. Needing to know for sure, she reaches to pull Michael’s mask off. This is when Michael is able to grab her, & pull her over the ledge as the rope breaks. They end up dangling together with a knife plunged into Laurie’s chest. Yes, Laurie Strode is now dead. Hope you liked your paycheck Ms. Curtis.

It’s one year later, we now get into this “riveting” main story. For the premise of this film, six stupid college kids win a competition to be on an internet reality show, & will now spend a night in Michael’s childhood home. The objective is to try and figure out what led Michael to become a killer. Maybe they should be trying to uncover an actual plot to this movie. Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) & Nora Winston (Tyra Banks) are the directors of the show. They obviously aren’t very close with their crew. If they were, they would have been more concerned about their cameraman who went missing after Michael plunged a tripod through his neck earlier while setting up the cameras around the house.

kevin

No worries people. The movie also has Kevin From American Pie.

With cameras now setup throughout the Myers home, and the college kids wearing head cams, it’s time for them to explore the house. Oh, and one of them (Sarah) has been texting with a friend (Deckard) who is streaming the broadcast online. Geee, I wonder if this will serve a purpose later.

As they explore the house, two of them (Jim & Donna) start getting freaky in the basement. Before any sort of sexy time happens, a wall collapses revealing a bunch of corpses. On closer inspection, they realize that they aren’t real bodies & certain objects have been staged. Jim is pissed off.  Realizing the show is a setup, he leaves the basement. However, Donna notices a tunnel. She decided to follow it, because only super awesome things happen in dark tunnels. Furthermore, I can’t picture a tunnel this wide existing under a suburban home. Anyway, Donna is inevitably killed by Michael. Streaming viewers praise how real it looks.

Busta Rhymes (I’m just going to refer to him as Busta for the rest of this. It’s just easier to remember who I’m talking about.), decides to try and give the viewers something interesting my dressing as Michael and scaring everyone, but it backfires when three members of  the group try to fight him off. Busta reveals that he was trying to make things more interesting, and they will each receive some extra cash if they play along. The trio are pissed, & decide to go find the other three so they can leave together. That’s when they start finding people dead. Initially, they think it’s all part of an act, but soon realize it’s legit.  I really don’t think it’s necessary to go into the events leading up to all the other kills. People are running. People are hiding. In short, I’ll just tell you how the rest of them meet their demise.

-Stabbed in head

– decapitated

– head crushed

-pinned to door with kitchen knife

In the end, it’s down to Busta & Sarah. Since Sarah’s text buddy is watching the live steam, he’s trying to help her navigate the house by texting her Michael’s current location. That’s not a bad idea. You just better hope those cams aren’t on a delay.

busta

I think we would all rather just forget this moment.

Busta breaks out some Kung-Fu & fights Michael. This is definitely a new low for the series. Like a drunk elderly relative dancing at a wedding, it’s painful to watch, yet oddly hilarious at the same time. Michael appears victorious in the fight, but doesn’t finish the job before giving chase to Sarah through the basement tunnel. After ending up in the garage, Sarah demonstrates how useless she is with a chainsaw, but Busta comes back for another round. The barn catches fire. Michael is tangled up & gets electrocuted. Michael’s body gets taken to the morgue. He awakens when the medical examiner starts to take a look at him. Roll credits!

I understand what they were trying to do with this film. At the time, webcams & text messaging were new technologies. It makes sense that someone would try to incorporate it into a film. However, it just comes off as cheesy & overkill.  A lot of that could have been overlooked if the characters were likeable, but they completely suck. I found myself rooting for Michael on this one.

Score: 2/10

Pros

+ umm, always cool to see Jamie Lee Curtis in a Halloween movie.

Cons

– you killed Laurie! You bastard.

– trying to hard to throw all popular technology from 2002 in your face

– Busta Rhymes Kung Fu fight

-dumb reason for Michael surviving H20. He isn’t that smart!

-No reason for this sequel without Laurie.

-Characters aren’t even close to likeable

 

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