It’s been a while since I had a good hilariously dumb Florida crime story. That streak broke today when it was reported that two idiots tried to burn down someone’s house with Ragu pasta sauce. I can’t even type that without laughing a bit.
It sounds like your standard break in at first. Two men break into someone’s home. The resident received an alert on his phone about motion being detected in the house. He called the police. When they arrived, they witnessed the red SUV trying to flee. The two suspects tried to explain that they were just trying to pickup clothes. The SUV contained an AC unit, vacuum, television, & an empty jar of Ragu pasta sauce. Deputies would then discover a burning pot of Ragu pasta sauce and a cloth near the stoves burner. It also turns out both men knew the homeowner due to past sexual encounters. (source)
Attempting to make the homeowner look responsible for the house burning down isn’t a bad idea, but they couldn’t think of a better way? I would also like to know if the homeowner owned the Ragu pasta sauce. If these two idiots were thinking on the fly & saw the pasta sauce in the house, shame on the owner for having what seems like great taste in home security systems, but shitty taste in pasta sauce selection. On a side note, don’t get it confused with Prego pasta sauce! I actually find that significantly better.
Then we have the bull onesie. I wouldn’t find this so baffling if turned out these guys who hopped up on meth or bath salts, but no. I see nothing in the report to indicate this. They were just two idiots who seemed pissed off at an ex lover and teamed up. Maybe he was following in the superhero crazy and thought he would try to create a new one? Maybe the onesie was just damn comfortable? We may never know.
follow @whirlwindreport on Twitter
Categories: I can't believe its in the News!
Whirlwind Reports 
Leave a Reply