In the history of your existence, I’m sure you’ve gone out to a bar or club with the hopes of attracting someone. Usually, the results don’t amount to much. I’ve always been fascinated by how people approach & act in these situations. In today’s fast paced world, you don’t have much time to make a lasting impression. If you seem like everybody else, why would anyone find you interesting? That doesn’t mean you aren’t. You just have a small window to convey this. Below I have listed some guidelines to help try and separate yourself from the other dime a dozen people. Also, I’m not sitting around claiming to be some sort of pickup artist guru. While not scientific, this information was collected from years of personal experiences along with a good amount of experienced people that I have spoken with (about 50) throughout the years. Take that for whatever it’s worth. While some of these ‘rules’ might seem like common sense, you’d be surprised how often people forget, or don’t realize the impact they have in public situations. The four I have listed below only scratch the surface.
Rule #1 – Don’t be a dick! Be a playful funny smartass!
Everything always comes back to “Don’t be a dick”! You are going to hear it a lot in this article. In my mind this is the most important rule of them all. Be a funny smart ass. Engage in some playful banter. It’s normal and fun. People don’t seem to understand this. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the source from what I’m about to say next, but it always stuck with me. It was along the lines of “Let me ask you this, when you were a little kid on the playground how would a little boy and girl show that they liked each other? Wouldn’t they tease and pick on one another? It’s still exactly the same”. It’s so true. Over the years, I can’t tell you how many times I have been going back and forth with someone in this manner, and a friend would say, “wow I guess she really doesn’t like you “. Actually, it’s the exact opposite! However, It’s important to find that line between funny smart ass and being a dick. Some people have trouble finding it. Everyone is different. Be careful. If you push too hard and cross too far into dick territory, it could be game over. A certain type of person will respond positively to dickhead behavior, but being a funny smart ass has better results. Plus, why would you want to be a dick anyway? That just makes you… well…a dick!
Rule #2 – Have a good wing man.
This isn’t necessary, but it can be a very powerful tool. Remember, your friends represent you though. If they are being stupid, you’re guilty by association and people are likely to assume the same about you. One person can devalue an entire group by saying one stupid little thing. Good wing men talk appropriately & favorably about their friends to everyone who is part of the conversation. They also keep their wing man / men involved in the conversation. They don’t try to keep a woman away from his wing man out of fear she might like him more. I’ve seen a lot of guys go out in groups, but they rarely work as a team. It turns into a “me” mentality situation. Or, it can be worse! Sometimes they start making fun of a friend in their own group. That is the worst thing you can possibly do. You’re only hurting yourself by doing that. Dealing with a bad wing man is a shit show. You’re better off flying solo than having a shitty wing man/ men. I remember finding this out the hard way in my twenties. I had three friends. There was nothing manipulative about what we were doing. The four of us were just a fun group of guys to be around. However, the situation would sometimes deteriorate very abruptly for no apparent reason. I couldn’t pin point why this was happening. Eventually, I found out that one of us was intentionally sabotaging the night. It turns out, this “friend” would get jealous if his night wasn’t going as good as the rest of ours. When he felt this way, he would purposely say inappropriate things to a woman in the group. This has a ripple effect & totally throws everything off. It’s not cool. Help your friends. Don’t be a dick! It’s not like the lady you were interested in is the only lady in the world. Who cares if it doesn’t work out on a particular night.
Rule #3 Don’t you dare fucking hover!
Ugh, this will crash and burn anybody. Don’t have conversations longer than 5 -10 minutes at a time. I don’t care how good the conversation is! This is to protect yourself from being that guy who finds himself standing in silence hovering next to her with his drink held pressed against his chest. Don’t fucking hover! After 5 minutes you should end the conversation and say you need to get back to your friends. After all ,that’s what your their for in the first place! You can always pass by and talk to her again later. Hell, because you haven’t been a hovering pain in the ass, she might actually come over & talk to you later.
Rule # 4 – Easy on the booze!
This rule can obviously impact all these rules. I get that maybe a few drinks can help with social anxiety, but what does that matter if you’re being a dick and screwing shit up for your friends? You just solved one problem by creating two new ones & potentially many more. I don’t think I need to get deep into this.
Rule # 5 – Accept failure
This is important because you will fail. Accepting failure can be tough in almost every aspect of life. Owning up to failure can be even more difficult. That’s what separates the men from the boys. As long as you don’t repeat the same mistake over and over, it’s fine to say you fucked up! Also, accepting the possibility that you might fail in a social situation, actually makes you fail less. Without pressuring yourself to succeed you become more natural and real. People can sense that shit.
As I said, this just barely scratches the surface. Hope you enjoyed reading.
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