Former RB Arian Foster thinks he can take on a wolf with his bare hands.

Arian Foster must be bored with his retirement. This became obvious when Foster went on a Twitter rant about how he could take on a wolf with his bare hands. Wolf experts then laughed & chimed in to explain how Foster would get annihilated.

Some of Fosters points sound plausible on the surface. Yes, you weigh more. Yes, you have thumbs. When you break it down though, that means absolutely nothing when fighting a wolf! I didn’t even need to read what experts said. It’s fairly obvious.

Who needs thumbs to help grip when you have a bite that can snap your bones in half like a twig. So what if you weigh more. A wolf can take down a half ton bison on its own. Also, that wolf is not going to get scared of you. It doesn’t operate emotionally the same way a human does. This isn’t a movie. That thing is going to get you on the ground. Once it does, it’s game fucking over!

Maybe we shouldn’t laugh at the idea of someone getting mauled to death by a wolf. However, I find it acceptable when the death would be result of pure stupidity & ego. It would be funny if he went to fight a wolf, then changed his mind at the last second after looking into its hungry eyes. It would be too late at that point though. He might have been a running back, but he certainly can’t run 40mph. Would be hilarious to see him try though. (source)

wolf attack

Guys don’t worry. I totally got this!

Considering his lengthy injury history over the years, Arian couldn’t even stay healthy enough on the damn football field. Seriously, the over / under for how long Arian stays alive after he makes physical contact with the wolf should be set around 25 seconds.

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-Adam Mallett

 

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