Man yells ‘I’m Spider-Man’ before jumping through second story window.

After being dumped by his girlfriend. The world now knows that a Michigan man is no Peter Parker.

Oh, it gets much worse! Before I read the article any further, I thought maybe this kid or guy was trying to look cool after his girlfriend broke up with him and somehow thought this could win her back. I was totally wrong! It turns out, he was no kid. (40) Furthermore, this wasn’t a romantic nerdy gesture. After being dumped by his girlfriend, the guy freaked the fuck out and ran into the home next door, punched a seven year old girl in the face, struck a man with an ashtray, & declared he was spider man before tossing himself out the second story window. (source)

Pffft! He’s no spider man. He’s too old. Also, spider man doesn’t act like he’s on bath salts or that synthetic marijuana shit. Plus, he would have totally nailed the landing. I think it’s even more scary that he wasn’t on anything! He’s just a natural nutcase. I picture him looking like Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons.fat spiderman

The nutcase suffered some cuts and was taken to the hospital. The little girl and the guy were left with minor injuries. Still, ya got to wonder what kind of psychological damage this could do to a child. At least he wasn’t  in a spider man costume. That would probably take years of psychological treatment. She would also need to make sure no spider man movie is playing on a TV when flipping through channels. It also might complicate Halloween a bit.

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Adam Mallett

 

 

 

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