5 Stupid Places to Have Sex

The Beach

You’ve seen it movies. Sometimes they make it look perfect. A gorgeous sunset as the waves are crashing down. Sounds perfect right? It sucks. No, it really really sucks. I don’t care if you have a beach towel and blankets. a-typical-beach-daySand will find a way to get in places where it doesn’t belong. You could also get bombed with bird shit. You also never know who might start wandering the beach at any given moment. Several years ago,  I was just simply making out with a girl in an area that seemed nice and secluded. All the sudden, some asshole with a metal detector decided to be a royal pain in the ass and start digging 5 feet from us. Really buddy? Thanks for killing the mood so you could dig for a nice shiny bottle cap.

An Airplane

plane

I don’t think anyone actually enjoys airplane sex. They just want to check it off the list. Even so, its not worth it. I’m no germophobe, but airplanes are nasty. You are flying in a tin can 40,000 feet in the air crammed in with several other people. The bathroom situation isn’t ideal.  I have always had this image in my head of the nastiest & most unhygienic people from every race and culture all lined up and using that tiny space one by one and not washing their hands. I don’t think I can get that out of my head.

A School Playground

The consequences of getting arrested for this are obvious. It’s a stupid idea. It’s also creepy. As an adult, you should only be at playground during daylight hours and if you have or are babysitting a small child. That’s it!

A Club

This is classy. Maybe you and a lady friend are out bumping & grinding. You both have had quite a few drinks or have been sampling illegal substances. You won’t make it home fast enough!  You need to “get down” that very moment.  GatecrasherSince it could take some time to reach this level of fucked up, its more than likely this would happen closer to the end of the night. Also, it’s more than likely it will happen in a romantic bathroom stall. By that time, what do you think the conditions of those stalls might be? I’m willing to bet they either A: Reek of shit. B: Contain and or reek of puke C: Have broken glass D: All of the above! If you are willing to encounter all those possibilities just for a piece of ass, I don’t know what to say.

 

A Public Pool

This should be another no brainer. However, people still get busted for this. Anything where children could potentially be present is always a HELL NO!! poolIn fact, maybe that saying should be imprinted on the minds of the types of people who get off from the excitement of possibly getting discovered and caught in public. Also, depending on the amount of chemicals, the chlorine might cause some serious irritation and damage to a women’s lady parts.

 

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