Movies are a great source of entertainment. They are a healthy distraction and escape from our hard working lives. That doesn’t mean they are all winners. Have you ever seen a movie and wish you could get that time back and wondered how the hell it was green lit in the first place? Below is a list of movies that are just horrible and I don’t mean so bad that it’s laughable and entertaining or small budget independent films. I am excluding those. These are all mainstream Hollywood and should be avoided at all costs. Some spoilers are in this but you really shouldn’t care.
Cloud Atlas (2012)
So much potential went down the drain with this film. The wardrobe and makeup is award worthy. The cast is great. The movie follows several different stories from several different time periods and are all connected. It does sound interesting but falls horribly flat. The movie is just such a pain in the ass to follow that it gets to a point where I didn’t care anymore. I often found myself invested in one story but didn’t give a shit about another. If you want a challenge have a bunch of drinks and watch this movie then please tell me what the hell is going on!
How everyone is connected in this film. Is this complicated enough?
Batman & Robin (1997)
This is a perfect example of how NOT to make a movie and should be on everybody’s list.
1. Horrible pun dialogue. I think I rolled my eyes when I heard Mr Freeze say “chill out”
2. They altered the batsuit to give it nipples?!
3. Movie sets look like a theme park.
4. To many characters that don’t need to be involved
5. Even for a superhero movie the logic is horrible. Batman has a Batman credit card!? Who the hell does that get billed to Mr Wayne!? You just gave yourself away you dumbass! Christoper Nolan deserves all the credit in the world for putting this franchise back together.
Who does this get charged to?!!
The Happening (2008)
Remember when M. Night Shyamalan made a decent movie? Barely can I. If you look at his director credits you will notice a huge drop off. The Sixth Sense was great, Unbreakable was pretty good. Signs was ok. Then it just gets horrible after that. The Village sucked. Lady in the Water was garbage. Then we get this steaming pile of shit. Markie Mark plays a High School science teacher. Just think that through for a second. Mark Wahlberg playing a science teacher? I can overlook that if the payoff at the end of the movie is good, but it’s horrible. If you haven’t seen it let me sum it up. A plague is turning people crazy and making them commit suicide. Well, it turns out the source of the plague is mother nature herself. The plants, trees, bushes, grass are all rebelling against us and releasing this plague into the air. Enough said.
Watch out Mark! The Big bad tree is going to get you!
Alien 3 (1992)
This was the directorial debut of David Fincher (Gone Girl, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Social Network, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Seven, Fight Club, The Game) and it wasn’t a smooth one. With Aliens being a massive hit, the studio micromanaged every aspect of this film and gave Fincher very little creative control which resulted in the two sides butting heads constantly. The result was a complete disaster of a film which resulted in Fincher quitting before editing was complete. Within the first few moments of the movie they kill off two major characters from the second film. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) crashes on a prison planet that has no guns and there is only one Alien! Despite a few tense moments, this film is a train wreck.
I consider this scene almost like a metaphor for where this movie belongs….The junk yard!
Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
This movie is just one giant headache. If someone actually recommends you watch this movie then they are playing a cruel joke on you. Steve Carell plays one of the most annoying characters I have ever seen and I don’t mean in a funny entertaining way. Tim (Paul Rudd) plays a rising corporate exec whose boss decides to host a dinner party where everyone brings the biggest dumbass they can find. Paul meets Barry (Carell) and well you can piece together the rest. Avoid this at all costs.
In this photo, You can almost hear Paul Rudd thinking “Just focus on the pay check”
Six Adam Sandler movies
Don’t get me wrong Adam Sandler has put out some good movies in his career but nobody has starred in more garbage than he has either. It looks like his strength at the box office is finally starting to slip in the United States. However, overseas his movies are still making great money. The rest of the world needs to get with it! I could write an entire article about how I think most of his movies are average at best and how bad the bad ones really are. Instead, of dedicating several paragraphs to his horrible movies, I just decided to list them below with a short explanation why.
Blended (2014) – A few laughs but fails at recapturing the chemistry he had with Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates or The Wedding Singer
That’s my Boy (2012) – One or two laughs but overall just not funny
Jack & Jill (2011) – This time he plays a man and a women! Very original right?
Grown ups (2010) – I don’t consider it fun entertainment when I’m just watching actors/comedians have fun. I actually think the sequel is slightly better.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) – Got off to a good start but fell apart later
Little Nicky (2000) – ANNOYING!